last night, i had a dream. it felt so real. i felt so happy and it felt so right. i felt so inlove and i just want to experience it every single day of my life if god permits. i don't remember all of it, but i remember that it was a cousin of this guy whom i liked before haha! as far as i know though, he doesn't have a cousin who looked like that. he was asian and had short hair. he was wearing a white v-neck and he just looks clean overall. it's probably my happiest dream ever. i just wanted to go back and sleep again; dream some more, be just as inlove for quite a bit more.

just like anyone else who has loved, i miss hugging, cuddling with someone. i miss texting someone right after i wake up in the morning. i miss daydreaming about someone when my head refuses to focus. i miss looking forward to mini-dates. i miss annoying someone with my stupid questions. i miss dedicating songs to someone.

i know, the number one mistake that lonely people often commit is defining their happiness around one particular person. but i also can't deny the fact that i feel more inspired, more special when i'm in a relationship. it's different when you're loving and being loved by someone. it changes your mood; he makes you feel less tired, less frustrated towards the real world. suddenly, the mean words of your supervisor mean less because you have someone who listened; someone who's on your side. someone who gets you everytime.

i believe that we're destined to be with someone. that in time, though the person might not be your spouse exactly, he or she will find their way to you. if the person hasn't, then you know for sure that it's not the end. it means god has something in store for you, someone better, someone better fitting for you.

i don't know why i'm still entertaining this thought. as much as possible, i really try hard to refrain from writing entries about love, relationships. why? because there's no point in talking about it. there's no point in ranting about the past, the future. i just want to savour the present; savour what i got in my hands right now. i don't wanna look forward to something that i think i'd wreck eventually.

to be honest, i don't trust myself with my heart and with someone else's heart. i think i'm very indecisive, immature and selfish in a way that nobody will ever understand or have the patience to deal with for a very long time. why do i sound like i hate myself? well, i don't exactly hate myself. i think i'm hardworking and i can do anything when i'm determined. i can love when i want to love someone. just like my brother, my sister and my parents. they're not perfect and we have our differences, but i want to love them; i want them to stick around for me. i want to love and be loved by them so i try hard to compromise and give way as much as i can.

that's why i can never love someone enough if i'm compromising my parents when i'm with him. i know it's unfair, but i really just realized it now. i can't love someone enough when i can't love him and my family just the same. i have to share the same commitment, the same concern, the same patience and the same sacrifice with the both. that's the only time when i can say that it's a "love" relationship and not just a shallow one.

sorry for the unexpected long rant about this. *slaps myself back to reality*

i hope that you reader are having a fantastic evening just as i am. i hope that your true love is on his or her way to you and i hope that each and every day you are preparing yourself for your shared life with him/her.

lastly, i'm praying for more happy dreams for you and me.