Most of the time whenever I feel down, I always think that no matter how much I'm self-pitying due to uncontrollable conditions in my life, there will always be people who are in worse situations. Some may be dealing with life and death, debt situations etc. So why am I even thinking of giving up on life when there are these people who are burdened more heavily than me? Most of them just choose to be happy so they don't look like it.
Indeed, happiness is a choice. No one can ever control the obstacles that may come our way; we can't stop them. We can't live in a perfect world because there's no such thing as one. Instead, we should maintain a happy self. Not like the uncontrallable leaps of fate and turns of reality, we can maintain an inner peace and happiness. That's the only thing that we can hold in ourselves through time and space, which no one can steal or step on.
When a relationship fails, personally I think I mourn more over a lost best friend. Although it's sad to admit, I've been updating this blog because I have only a handful of people whom I can confide to. That includes my family and my friend, John, who have re-entered my life right on time. I'm thankful that they have patience with me, with my tears and tireless questioning about relationships. They don't get tired of me blabbing about my failed relationship. I'm not sure if it's because of their maturity or they just are willing to help me the best way they can.
They have seen and heard me sob, but sometimes I still get anxious that they're already sick of me whining about my life. I always remind myself that I should just suck it up and move on because at the end of the day, the more I indulge myself in reliving our memories together, the more I prevent myself from being happy and living the most out of my life.
I always think that as one already left, "the one" is slowly making his way to me. By leaving the past behind, I'm being brought closer to him. While he's on his way, I can slowly heal and better myself so when he arrives, I'm emotionally ready to commit myself forever.
One failed relationship need not rub out my idea of love. It just shows that it was not one of them.
1 comment:
Hello, Mei. It's been far too long, a whole year to be exact, since the last time we had a conversation. In that year, many things had change with me, with you, and every single thing around both of us. We don't know how big or small those changes are, but what I do know is that for all of those changes, although it hurts to admit, it did not involve you in mine, neither was I involved in yours. It hurts that I used to confide every thing and anything under the sun to you, and, I thought, you did the same to me. I wish I could re-enter your life again and be one of those people that you trust. I know it will be hard to glue things all together between us and our friendship, but we can do it. I want to forget the past and move on to the future. For the petty little things we've argued about, I am truly sorry. It takes two to tango, but my fault was much bigger and I know I am the one to blame; I am taking the blame. I am sorry that I hurt you before with my inconsiderate words, but that is a flaw of mine that I HAVE TO change... And I have. I may not even talk so much anymore, but I write a lot now. I write to express how I feel and this is what I see in you. You write in your blog from time to time, but each one entry means so much that I start to shake whenever I read them. Mei, I read your current blogs and I cried. I cried because I was not there to comfort you. I cried because I was not able to support you. And most of all, I cried because I know that there might be a chance that I wont be let into your life once more. Things happen for a reason, and as cliche as that may sound, I believe in it. Our friendship ended, but it does not mean we cannot start over. If we do start over again, I will take it and never let what happened before to happen again. I will mark my words and see to it that what I say is in consideration to the other person's feelings. Meng, I really miss you. I wish I could have you back as my friend. Let's start over little by little; even as slow as we can imagine. I want to be a part of your life again just like before.
-Dea
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