since i dont have anyone to talk to, or rather i dont wanna talk to anyone on msn, i'll just update this. as usual i have a problem right now thats why im blogging. you know how youve been so used to something to the extent that you dont know how it's like without it. basically, thats what i want to rediscover, my old self, my lone self. no strings attached.

most of my life, ive enjoyed being alone. afterall, it's always been me, my sis and my mom. didnt have any bestfriends in grade school, high school. why? because i dont like getting stuck with something, having responsibilities or like commitments which arent necessary if i didnt truly like them.. ive read somewhere that to be happy one has to be in relationships. and im perfectly fine with that, i have relationships: my family and my friends.. not best friends just friends.. but i think it's more important to know yourself better first to be able to let others come in your life. you have to prioritize yourself because at the end, when the world is mad at you, it's just you. so sometimes, i think twice why i have to care for other people whom i wont be keeping for the rest of my life instead of caring for myself.. it may sound very self-centred but it's true. in order to serve others, you must be content with what you have so you wont be greedy.. i believe in that because i've become very generous with whatever i have to my loved ones because i know theyre genuine and that they will accept me for who i am. i think they know me better than i know myself.. funny isnt it. but yeah.. i dont know what the point of this blog is. just wanted to write what's on my mind tonight..
school has been kicking my butt since we went back. and i love it. i love being busy. i love going to the library during breaks. i love my me time.. to be honest i dont even have any friends in uni except for a few that i always sit beside with which are just acquaintances.. i feel like friends will come and go.. and right now, i dont really have to look for friends, because im happy with what i have. lol ive never depended on my friends thats why. when you depend your life on so many things, when you get yourself attached with so many things, they hinder you to explore because they encourage you to conform.. to just stick with whatever is enjoyed by the group.. which i hate.. i need to prioritize myself! im so selfish right.. but obviously ive learned to value some people.. it took time and efforts for me to attach myself to them.. because if they dont do the efforts, i wont even give a fck.. i guess i inheritted that thinking from my mom.. she's VERY friendly, but she always tells us that she's happy not having a bestfriend, perhaps it's because she has my dad.. my mom never ran after friends.. if they liked her then good, she's happy.. if she doesnt then she'll still survive without them..

so maybe this blog is really for the people whom i've neglected and ended communications with.. it's just my personality, so dont take it very personally.. afterall, the real world is a scary world.. full of mean people.. maybe im one of them in disguise :P

i think that a person has his or her own criteria for happiness.. and right now, im happy because i have a peace of mind and i am at rest emotionally, spiritually and mentally.. and of course, i have my family.. i live for them..

what's your criteria for happiness?