Wednesday, October 8, 2008

ayayay, i shouldnt be writing here but somehow i shoud just let things out of my mind so i can focus 100%. a lot of things have been going on these past months. some things are starting, some are ending. most of the time, i reflect about how ive been handling situations and it's just sad. it's disappointig. i dont really know how to be guilt-free! no im not a murderer. maybe i am. but not intentionally. i assume he's happy now. i cant really do anything anymore. once and for all, i think it finally is done. there's nothing to work with, nothing to go back to. i refuse to be optimistic with our relationship. it's just too bitter, there's so much words that have been exchanged that it'd take a lifetime to forget and perhaps, forgive. this is the only breakup in which we both agree with. it's just too vague to see what really is the problem. even though he posed endless questions. i didnt have answers. i didnt wanna think of the answers because i know it will just make me blame myself more. right now i feel like im the person who's most hated right now honestly, like i dont know. the words were just too heartbreaking. i was surprised that the person whom i thought could never hurt me would just strip me off of my dignity as a person. the words were like from a villain in a movie, every word hurt, every word just shoots u right in your heart. i dont know if i should be sad or angry. i just know that whatever happened, happened already and thus must be forgotten. it will just keep me imprisoned. sometimes i wanna say 'how fucken dare you to talk to me like that' but i guess it's easy to hate the person whom u loved because.. i dont know. i dont wanna hate, but i cant be pretentious. i dont wanna hurt you, but i want revenge. you loved me at my best, but u left me at my worst rubbing to my face how bad i am. i am angry, but i cant express it other than my tears. at one point i have everything, the next i have none. you show youre strong, but inside pain's just eating you more and more each day. karma's a bitch.

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