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i just woke up almost 2 hours ago at 6 17 pm sharp. amazing eh? kay maybe not amazing but im just stunned that i woke up so late.. i didnt sleep llate last night either.. i did around hmm 1 in the morning perhaps? so not that bad. i usually sleep around 2 or 3.. i dont really restrict myself in sleeping late since i dont have school or work.. so i just sleep whenever.. last night was rather an emotional day for me.. there's a lot of drama between me and my boyfriend and as well as myself with my sister.. i broke up with him yesterday just because im not happy anymore.. im not happy as a person anymore.. it has been like this about a month now and in my point of view i cant really be with someone if im not healthy emotionally as a person.. if youre not happy, then how can make someone else happy through your presence.. i think thats another reason why my body didnt wanna wake up today till late in the afternoon.. i dont wanna realize that i dont have my boyfriend anymore.. the thing that made me decide to break off from the relationship is from the lie that my sister told me.. after crying for almost two hours while writing the email informing him about the reason why i dont want to be with him, he messages me in MSN that my sister just told me that all out of anger and frustration over me.. i was really shocked at how my sister can just toy my feelings like that.. indeed she can manipulate my emotions.. for that reason, the anger in me just keeps on building against the world.. it's like everyone is conspiring against me.. then after knowing that it's just a lie, tyler goes on and says you guys shouldnt be like this, you guys should be like that and all this crap.. so i was like WOAH, dude a minute ago u just wanted to kill her for pulling that bullshit against you and now u want me to make up with her? just because youve proven that the rumor was a lie.. i dont know it just made me upset.. it's like he cant see from where im standing right now.. first of all, it's not only about the rumour that i got mad at my sister, it's so much more than that.. so he shouldnt go around saying things that i should be doing, because the least thing that i need right now is his 2 cent lecture.. so now not only are we off from the relationship, but we're not in speaking terms.. i just need my time alone and if it takes for me to withdraw from my social life to have it then so be it.. i dont give a fuck about what anybody says anymore.. the anger that fills me just keeps on adding every single day that i can no longer see the positive aspect of waking up in the morning every single day with the luxuries i have that not a lot of people are enjoying.. i dont really know what keeps me going.. i just go with the flow.. right now i feel the urge of conversing with a stranger.. with someone who really doesnt know me.. so i can just talk about what i wanna talk about regardless of the things that i should be asking advices about.. and also, from this situation i see the importance of having a job.. if i had a summer job, i wouldnt really have time thinking about this.. i just have to wake up and make money.. leaving no time for reflecting about what's going on in my life right now.. because it's just depressing. hopefully, i can find other things to do than just surfing the net all day that just causes to strain my eyes..
til the next entry. ciaoxoxo~ mei